


I’ve been self diagnosing

by Deadly_Sirius



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Divergence - Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Coming Out, Dragons, Drarry, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, The Burrow (Harry Potter), background: - Freeform, but i also love flintwood so wtf am i doing with my life, i just LOVE him and oliver together, lil smutty but nothing explicit, linny - Freeform, molly and arthur are good parents, not ace!charlie i know im sorry, rarepairs, romione, talk of them at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-02 10:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15794493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadly_Sirius/pseuds/Deadly_Sirius
Summary: Charlie takes Oliver to meet his parents and siblings. Issues with stripping and talk of dragons happen after, but first: anxiety.TW: Anxiety attacks and shit.UNEDITED. Title from “I’m My Own Doctor” by Remo Drive.





	I’ve been self diagnosing

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I randomly imagined the two of them together and LOVED IT. Don't get me wrong, ace and/or aro Charlie also makes me very happy, as does Flintwood, but I just think these two would be perfect. Might write more? Let's make a rarepair famous!
> 
>  
> 
> Ahhk I wrote this awhile go and it's been sitting here in my drafts because I never got around to editing it. I kind of hate this ngl, but I want to publish SOMETHING since it's been ages and this writer's block apparently hates me. I want to write and I want to read ao3 stuff but anything I type or anything I click on just isn't satisfying me rn. Sorry! Here's a one-shot in the mean time lol.

Charlie took an unsteady breath and attempted to steady the shaking hand at his side. Looking up and into the mirror in front of him, he had half a mind to give himself a pep talk. Rationally, he just had to breathe and maybe things could be okay. But Merlin knows Charlie could calm down and control a raging dragon, but he could never calm down himself. That’s what Oliver was for.

And it wasn’t like this was news. Okay, maybe it was, but the whole not-straight barriers had been broken down in the family by Bill when he and Fleur brought Krum— _Viktor_ —to the family dinner all those months ago. Charlie’s mum had been more focused on the fact that Fleur was the one to suggest a third member in their marriage than she was about Viktor, so Charlie figured that was a good sign.

Plus, when Harry chose to date Draco after the war instead of getting back with Ginny, Arthur Weasley only slightly bristled at the idea. Probably since it was a Malfoy, but Draco had made himself learn to be tolerant for Harry and he quickly became part of the family. Ron was quite happy he didn’t have to hear about Harry leaving a bar with a different witch or wizard three times a week from the _Daily Prophet_ anymore.

And Ginny and Luna were the epitome of adorable, cuddling at The Burrow like the world couldn't see them. Of course she was a little loopy, but Luna was intelligent and surprisingly wise, and Molly took to her quicker than Fleur, although not by much. Something about women stealing her children. (Although Charlie knew that wasn’t true - she loved Hermione unconditionally on day one. It was probably the tall, thin blondes (Draco?). Hermione’s bushy hair and round curves and shorter stature was more familiar for Mrs. Weasley than Witch-Weekly-model-worthy legs.)

So really, they should just be glad that Charlie wasn’t bringing home Auror Hestia Jones, although Charlie was fairly certain she was not glad that he wasn’t bringing her.

A light knock on the door sounded and distracted Charlie out of his terrible and rambling pep talk.

”Chuck? You in there?”

”You know I hate it when you call me that.” Charlie goes for playful and light, but his voice is unsure and he grips the sink to steady himself.

”Babe, are you okay?”

Charlie can imagine vividly his beautiful boyfriend leaning against the wooden door on the other side, arms crossed tightly to his chest, eyes closed and brows furrowed in worry. It was a look he often got to see the end of before a look of surprise and happiness flashed Oliver’s face when Charlie would open the door. He hated worrying Oli, but when he was anxious, the bathroom was his go-to.

The cool tile on his feet or back were perfect to ground him during an anxiety attack. The sink was good to grip for support, and water from the tap helped him when he was trying not to disassociate. The only issue was that Oliver quickly picked up on his favor of the room and knew to be worried if Charlie spent long amounts of time with the door locked. He usually was not just drawing a nice long bath.

”I will be?”

”Charlie, open the door.”

Oliver’s stern voice and unusual request had Charlie acting without even thinking. He almost never opened the door while still panicked, and Oliver almost never requested him to do so, knowing Charlie usually needed space.

Before Charlie even registered opening the door, Oliver barreled through and clutched him in a tight hug. Half-expecting to not be able to breathe, Charlie braced himself for an attack. Hugs like these frequently pushed him further into anxiety as he couldn’t get away, couldn’t move. But this time—when he was stressed about his family—the strong arms that collected him in one bundle solodified him. They reminded him that he wasn’t alone. That he wasn’t just telling his parents, Oliver also was about to properly meet them. Not as Percy’s school dormmate, but as Charlie’s partner.

He lowered himself and Charlie down to the floor and held his boyfriend as he sobbed against the Keeper’s chest. They both were terrified beyond their wits, but at least they were terrified together. Oliver seemed to read his mind. “Hey. I’m scared beyond all fuckery too, okay? But, like, they’re not gonna disown you or something. Percy’s still welcome. They hated Fleur and now they love her.”

”Reluctantly. I don’t want them to slowly, reluctantly accept you, Oli, I want them to-“

”They will. Okay? Listen, besides Gin, you and Bill are clearly the favorites. Your mum will fuss over Fleur and give her sweaters even if she pretends to be cold towards her. It’s some petty self-fued thing. But she likes you even more than Bill, and she’d never do anything that would hurt you.”

Charlie suddenly felt foolish for crying on the floor clutching to Oliver. He was three years the man’s senior and yet he was the mess in the relationship. “Why are you so right and logical all the time,” Charlie mumbled, his tears slowing until he could simply rest his head in the crook of Oliver’s neck and close his eyes, breathing in the man’s scent.

Oliver grinned to himself. No matter how much he tried to be self-assured and independent, he could never resist Charlie’s compliments, even rumpled ones. “It must be those seven years I spent trapped in the same room as Perce.”

Charlie smiled weakly against Oli’s collarbone. He pressed a kiss there and looked up. Although his eyes were pink and swollen, they were no longer wet. His pupils dialated even with the afternoon light filtering through their flat, and they wandered across Oliver’s gorgeous face and oddly immaculate scruff. “I love you,” he whispered.

”I love you too.”

A quick press of confident lips together, initiated by the redhead, promised Oliver that he was okay. “Let’s go get ready to go,” Charlie said, sniffling through his stuffy nose.

”Let’s get you cleaned up,” Oli corrected. A quick charm and Charlie felt his nose clear up and his face felt as if it had been massaged and loosened. A quick glance in the mirror showed the pink eyes and cheeks were soothed and he looked perfectly healthy and happy.

”Thanks.” Another quick kiss. The two wandered back into their shared bedroom. Charlie quickly stripped down to just his underwear. “Any plans on what you’re going to wear?” He asked, exasperated, ten minutes later after digging through drawers and piled laundry.

Charlie Weasley was not short, thank you very much. He was short _er_ than Bill, Ron, and the twins, but that was because they were freakishly tall and, except in Bill’s case, lanky. Most people thought he was short simply because he was broader than he was tall. He was, however, taller than both Percy and Ginny. And he was above average height (barely, less than half an inch). If you called him short, he would pummel you into the ground with his biceps bigger than Bill’s, or his forearms thicker than Ginny’s Seeker thighs. But being with Oliver made Charlie begin to appreciate his height, because they were almost same height. They were, however, the same size.

They _were_ , until Oli began complaining about how the sleeves and chests of his shirts were stretched out, and Charlie kept wearing jeans too long for his legs and having to cuff them when he got to work. But either way, Charlie and Oliver mixed all of their clothing.

“How about this?”

Turning around, Charlie caught a sight of Oliver that went straight to his groin.

The man was wearing a pale lilac button-down and sleek black skinny jeans. They opposed the clunky black Doc Martens laced to his feet. The lilac shirt was satin and the color went very well—too well, in Charlie’s dick’s opinion—with his light brown eyes and hair. Lines of his strong stomach were barely visible through the imprints of the shimmery fabric. His thighs and arse looked delectable.

That was the thing about Oliver. He almost exclusively wore team jerseys and t-shirts quidditch robes and muggle exercise shorts. So when he dressed up and went out, wearing clothes that hugged his hips and loosened around his torso and showed off his thin and lean body, he looked like a tease and undeniably sexy, at least to Charlie. If Charlie thought he was going to die at dinner, he was destroyed the second Oliver tugged on a leather jacket - the one he black one he had with a zip-on dark grey hood to make it more casual. The man must’ve had fifteen leather jackets. No matter how often he tried to get Charlie one, his arms just never fit into the stiff fabric.

”Fine,” Charlie huffed. “Two can play at this game.”

”Whatever are you talking about?” Oliver pretended, fluttering his eyelashes.

Charlie wiggled his ass a little as he bent down to pick up a pair of dark blue jeans and a nearby shirt. He knew the second those jeans went on, if he bent over again they would be split in five different spots. Oliver watched in vague amusement as he cuffed the trousers at the bottom and then wiggled them on over his quads. His calves were snuggled tightly into the denim as he zipped the pants. Finally dressing his bare and scarred chest, Charlie tugged on the white v-neck. The dip exposed the top of his sternum and enough of his pale freckled-turned-tan skin to make Oli bite his lip. The cap sleeves hugged his shoulders and came to a stop right before his full biceps. The shirt showed off his pectorals and wide ribs, the peaks and valleys of his abs quite evident under the shirt. Any time he moved his shoulder blades or flexed a muscle in his back, the cotton would ripple and strain. 

“I’m ready to go if you are,” Charlie mused, alternating between snapping and clapping the top of a fist to his other open palm. He pursed his lips as if looking around the room bored.

 

If he was honest with himself, Charlie was still worried, despite Olliver’s consolation. He’d gone to five—five!—of the monthly dinners at The Burrow, worrying about if anyone knew about him and Oliver, worrying if he should say something. This month would be the first time he ever arrived not alone, and it’d be the first—Charlie hoped—in a long string of dinners with Oliver and his family.

The two apparated into the fields just outside of the family’s property. Hand-in-hand, they walked towards the backyard. Their ever-growing family of children and spouses quickly outgrew the small dining room, and now most months a long table was transfigured and everyone enjoyed the outside autumn air.

Charlie dropped Oliver’s hand instinctually as they approached the bustling table, they appeared to be the last ones to arrive which was common for Charlie. Oliver tried not to be offended, he really did understand, but the action stung just a little. He was welcomed in with warm hugs and bright eyes, chatter and laughter asking him how Puddlemere treated him, jests poking fun that he wasn’t part of the Harpies or the Cannons.

”Not that we’re not thrilled you're here,” George mused, “but why the bloody fuck _are_ you here?”

”Language!”

”Molly, he is an adult now.”

”I’m very aware, Arthur, but that still doesn’t excuse-“

”Well, no matter, it’s good to see him,” Percy said from next to Oliver, ending the conversation, at one head of the table. The two had stayed rather close friends after going to Hogwarts in the same year and house. They were as different as could be during school and still now after the war, but Percy’s wit never failed to entertain Oliver.

On the other side of Percy sat his fiancée, Penelope Clearwater, just drinking up his presence. Penelope wasn’t keen on Fleur’s abruptness, and still seemed slightly jealous of the part-veela, but they sat next to each other at dinners often anyways. Bill was next to her, pressing kisses to her temple. Viktor sat between his boyfriend and Harry, his calloused fingers intertwined with Bill’s longer ones on the table in plain view of everyone.

Harry and Draco were not quite yet as brave, but they still sat close. Hermione and Harry’s boyfriend had created a strangely tight bond over books and knowledgable topics, so she sat on ther side of the blond with Ron wrapped around her finger in the next chair over, which happened to be at the other end of the table, across from Percy. He was hopelessly in love, as Ginny kept making jokes about it to Luna, who in turn would hum and card her fingers through bright red hair.

Arthur Weasley found himself trapped between Luna Lovegood and George Weasley, which was never a good mix. The latter had his arm casually resting on the back of Lee Jordan’s chair, talking animatedly and smiling brightly. They had never said they were dating. Instead, one month Lee had shown up with George on his arm and they seemed happy for the first time since Fred’s passing. Charlie figured that was the only successful gay couple in the family so far. Not because of his family’s intolerance, but because his siblings and family friends found loony, previously murderous, world-star famous people to date. The bunch was intense.

Lee was charming Molly Weasley as usual, complimenting the chef and all that. Beside her sat a very nervous Charlie and Oliver. A whisper conversation between the two explained that the bundle of joy and blue hair bouncing in Draco’s lap was actually Teddy Lupin, Harry’s godson. Said godfather had his hand not-so-discreetly on Draco’s thigh. Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, Charlie placed his own hand high up on Oli’s thigh. Purposefully very high. And very far in as well. As a ‘fuck you’ for his outfit but also a ‘I’m sorry’ for dropping his hand when they walked in.

Charlie watched his boyfriend swallow slowly and turn, faced blanched, to him. He muttered a “What the fuck are you doing?” through gritted teeth and Charlie simply smiled innocently.

He dropped his hand from Oli’s leg but the Seeker grabbed it in his own hand and held it tight as a lifeline. The urgency in it made Charlie shudder a little. It was time.

”Um, actually, I do have something I wanted to tell you guys,” Charlie said, speaking up from the table. Usually, in his family, a million voices overlapped one another. But as soon as he uttered those words, the table fell silent in seriousness. He squeezed Oliver’s hand quickly in desperation and Oliver squeezed back in support.

”Well? We’re all yours,” Bill prodded as Charlie figured out what to say.

“Uh, yeah so.. okay I didn’t think I’d get this far,” Charlie blushed honestly. He was almost always the confident, proud dragon trainer to outside people, he was extroverted and quite stocky and tended to charm everyone he met. But his family knew about his anxieties and insecurities, so they knew to chuckle along politely as Charlie put his feelings into words.

”Yeah, okay. So, I, erm, I haven’t actually been so painfully lonely for the past—fuck, decade?—since I graduated. Okay, well, I haven’t exactly been in relationships the entire time but I’ll save Mum’s ears the stories. More recently, I mean. Specifically, in the past six or so months.”

Smirks wound their way onto most faces and knowing glances were sent to Oliver as people put together the puzzle. “Uh, yeah. You guys probably knew the second we walked in, but Oliver and I are, um, dating. Six months last Thursday,” Charlie specified.

His face flared up in heat and anxiety as everyone just stared at him and didn’t speak.

”Mate,” George finally said softly. “We know.”

”We still love you, both of you,” Molly said quickly, faster than her son’s anxieties that she knew too well. He smiled gratefully at her.

”Welcome to the GSA that is the Weasley family,” Bill praised.

”I vill never understand your family,” Viktor shakes his head. Oli smiled brightly. Charlie had learned that just because Viktor didn’t speak much to other people didn’t mean he was dense. He and Fleur could have ridiculously long, thickly accented conversations with each other for hours over the Christmas hols. And Bill would watch both fondly.

“Damn, I thought I would be the only one dating a player for an England team,” Luna frowned. Oliver laughed happily and Charlie grinned goofily as he slung an arm around Oliver’s shoulder and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

Percy covered his eyes with his hands. “Merlin, my brother and my best friend,” he said sarcastically.

Oliver fisted the front of Charlie’s shirt and deepened the kiss just in spite of Percy and shouts rang throughout the table.

”There are children present!” Draco scolded. Oliver stuck his tongue out.

“You know, when I was thirteen,” Harry drawled out slowly, looking pointedly at Draco, “Oliver Wood was totally my gay sexual awakening.”

”Dear Merlin,” Ron cursed, shaking his head. Molly and Arthur shared a look saying _we definitely shouldn’t be here right now._

“I’m not kidding!”

”I’m flattered, Harry,” Oliver replied with a wink. Charlie swatted his shoulder.

”Not anymore, right?” Draco threatened.

”Of course not baby, I’m all yours.”

”He’s like Sirius,” Arthur groaned into his hands.

”You _were_ a hot seventeen year old,” Charlie commented. “Whenever you came over for hols with Percy-“

”You were twenty!”

”You were legal!”

”Charles!”

”I wasn’t gonna do anything then,” Charlie whined. "I just thought you were hot."

Charlie had always thought that Oli was hot the second he visited The Burrow during the summer hols after turning fifteen in April, a few months before Charlie had graduated Hogwarts and said goodbye to his favorite Keeper. The second Charlie was made Quidditch Captain, he instantly found the second year and insisted he be on the team. Physical shaking of the shoulders may or may not have been involved. But Bill was a Chaser on the team since fourth year, Charlie remembered fondly that his brother had gone to tryouts with Charlie to support him and make him not feel anxious about trying out, but accidentally ended up making the team. Charlie had been thrilled to be a Seeker, but looking back, it was probably because the other people trying out were either seemingly blind in the air or triple Charlie's size. He was small, accurate, and fast.

So he was sad that Bill decided to step down from the Gryffindor Quidditch Team when he became a seventh-year, but he had insisted that his Head Boy duties would take up too much time. Charlie figured he was right. And while he was bummed, he was more than ecstatic to be named Quidditch Captain of the team. Everyone figured Bill was a shoe-in since he was one of the eldest members of the team at the time, only a year behind the previous Captain, but when he quit, the title went to his overly eager fifteen-year-old brother. Seeing Oli play goalie during a muggle football game with some friends during lunch on the first day of Charlie's fifth year and Oliver's second made him demand he try out for the Keeper position. Oliver promised he would, he was more eager than Charlie was at his age, and two weeks later he showed up, broom in hand, in too-big robes. 

And so Charlie took him under his wing for Quidditch, training him and pushing him physically while preparing him to take over as Quidditch Captan when he graduated. He even requested Professor McGonagall name him Captain right before his very last quidditch match. McGonagall had been amused and asked Charlie if he took her for a fool. That summer, the one where he first found Oliver attractive, Oliver had gushed and told Charlie that on the last day of school, after Charlie's graduation, he'd been promised the position.

But while Charlie had taken Oliver under his wing for quidditch, Percy took him under his wing academically, and those two became closer friends. It was clear Oli idolized Charlie, but the older man didn't realize it was anything more until two years after the war when Oliver began openly flirting with him.

"You didn't wear many clothes that summer," Ron pointed out. "It was the summer before my first year--blimey, Harry and I didn't even know each other then!"

"It was a hot summer," Oliver blushed, taking a sip of his wine.

" _I'll_ say," Charlie joked, wolf-whistling. "Quidditch shorts and shirtless. Man didn't even wear shoes most of the time!"

"Well he never got off the broomstick. If your feet don't touch the ground, I assume one wouldn't need shoes," Molly groveled.

Percy chuckled lightly. "I remember that summer. You spent, what, two weeks with us? He just went everywhere I did," he explained to Penelope, adjusting his horn-rimmed glasses.

"I can't believe you thought the twat was cool," George groaned.

"I didn't think he was cool, I thought he was entertaining. With a wit like his, life is never dull. Besides, I didn't want to annoy Charlie, and you and Fred were more entertained with each other than me or Perce," Oli corrected.

"What was your impression of me?" Bill asked. "That summer I think I was already off in Egypt, but you were a first year when I was sixteen, right?"

"Oh Merlin, Bill Weasley was, like, untouchable to everyone in my year or the one above," Oliver doted. Charlie deflated noticeably. "I mean, you were the coolest person ever when I was  _eleven_ , but then I was fifteen and Charlie was fucking taming  _dragons_ and he was still sociable and put up with me, so like, Charlie was cooler."

"'E 'ad to say zat," Fleur comforts, placing a hand on Bill's shoulder with a stunning grin.

"Damn straight he had to," Charlie laughed, resting an arm on the back of Oli's chair. "If he hadn't we wouldn't be here anymore."

Oliver snorts. "Us Gryffindors and our pride."

"I will never understand you sons of bitches," Draco sighs, shaking his head.

"Hey!" Pipes up Ginny. "Sons of bitches  _and_ bitches, please."

"Gender inclusivity is a real issue, Draco," remarks Luna.

Arthur Weasley clasped his hands together. "Well, this has been a fun story-time, but some of you really ought to be off to bed."

"We all are of age, Mr. Weasley," Luna noted.

 

As bickers picked up around them, Charlie raised his eyebrow at Oliver, as if asking 'should we stay over or go back to our flat?' Oliver made the choice simple by popping the button of Charlie's jeans open with one hand nonchalantly. The second-eldest Weasley brother swallowed hard and nodded in understanding.

"Well, thanks for the tea, Mum, but we really better head out."

Draco sent him a knowing smirk when he kept Oliver in front of him and covering his crotch from view during the entirety of the goodbyes. "Damn, I miss the six-month stage. Before you know it, you'll have a kid together," Draco remarked bittersweetly, although he was practically glowing as he looked at Harry saying goodbye to Lee.

"Teddy isn't yours, you know," Oli reminds.

"Well, between my on-call schedule at St. Mungo's and Harry's non-stop fucking auror missions, it feels like the only free time we have is spent with the littler fucker. Not that I'm complaining, there are perks of having kids too."

"I can't believe they made him Head Auror already," Charlie scoffed. Harry had gone back to Hogwarts for his eighth year, thus rekindling some feelings for Draco and the two got together. Then, he took the three-year auror training program in one year, and within another year of being an auror, he was already the head of his team. Chosen One bullshit.

"Oh, Merlin, it's killing him! Even if he isn't on active duty, he's always stressed with trials or cases or paperwork, he barely eats and sleeps anymore. The other day, not even kidding, he offhandedly mentioned that McGonagall had offered him a teaching position--D.A.D.A Professor! He joked about taking the job and I nearly married him on the spot. It would make him so happy, but he doesn't take it seriously any time I bring it up," Draco sighs.

"You two should just get married, honestly. Half the time I forget that you aren't already." Charlie smiles as Draco hums dreamily.

"At least he's not getting bloody eaten and burned by dragons all damn day," Oliver offered, shooting a dirty look to Charlie. "Not that I'd expect anything different. I fell in love with his adventurousness and bravery, Merlin knows he wouldn't be the same without those blasted creatures."

"They're my fucking children, Oli, and I would give you up for them in a-"

"Stop before you dig yourself a grave, mate," Draco jokes, sensing the place that sentence was going.

Oliver raises an eyebrow at Charlie and the latter sheepishly mutters a "Kidding," into his ear to make up for it.

"Oliver, it was good to see you." Percy comes up from behind the group and gives Oliver a handshake. Which is quickly turned into a hug by the Keeper.

"You too, Perce. Hey, we should grab drinks sometime! Leaky Cauldron? Tuesday night? I won't have practice then."

Percy opens his mouth to say something, the unappetizing look on his face when Oliver mentioned the pub gave away his feelings, but he bit his tongue and simply nodded. "Sure," he replied meekly.

 

The rest of the goodbyes were painfully slow, and the two finally managed to apparate away, while Charlie's entire family watched the two and waved. The second they popped back into existence in their shared flat, Charlie was crowding Oliver's personal space, pushing him up against the nearest wall and kissing him heatedly.

"Fuck, I've been wanting to do this since you put on this bloody thing," Charlie moaned, fiddling with the buttons of Oliver's lilac shirt.

"Glad you like it, babe. But I've been meaning to get you out of those jeans-"

"You're gonna have to cut me out of them, I swear," Charlie laughed, feeling the fabric strain to contain the bulk of his thighs and calves as he moved.

"Bloody fuck don't tempt me like that, Weasley," Oliver groaned, lifting up the hem of Charlie's v-neck for access to his belt and zipper.

He undid to buckle and pulled the belt through its loops, chucking it to the other side of their sitting room. Managing to get the fly open, Oliver tried to help Charlie shed the pants. But they genuinely would not fall over his hips.

"Uh.."

"Fuck, hold on," Charlie stepped backwards to tug at them. He gets them only half way down his ass and they. Would. Not. Budge. "Wait, shit, Oli they won't come off."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't- get- them- off. What are these shits made of?! You bought them! Fuck, are we gonna have to go to Mungo's and cut my legs off-"

Oliver suddenly let out a fit of giggles. "Oh Merlin, imagine explaining to Draco why he has to cut off your legs because you're too horny."

"Shut up.." Charlie mumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up. "He works in potions anyways, not accidental magic mishaps, like shrinking fucking trousers."

"They fit the same as when you put them on and you had to struggle."

"I just wanted to be sexy and tease you," Charlie sighed, leaning against the couch as he was startingt o break a sweat getting out of the jeans. And that was no small task for Charlie Weasley.

"I mean, I'll be disappointed about not getting your cock anymore, but if your arse looks like  _that_ for the rest of eternity.." Oliver raised both of his eyebrows and stared pointedly at the side of Charlie's arse. The dragon tamer instantly turned to hide it.

"Don't objectify me," Charlie scolded.

"Why else would you become a dragonologist and build up that heavenly bulk if not for me, specifically to objectify you."

Charlie was about to make a comeback when Oliver's words registered. His face became crestfallen. "Oli," he whispered quietly, upset and looking small. "What'll happen to my babies if I can't get these off?"

Oliver was so stunned he couldn't speak.

"I can't ride dragons in jeans! Merlin, Norberta would hate the texture! And they're not safe--too flammable--and I won't be able to work with them-"

A tearing noise sounded from Oliver's wand. The jeans fell around Charlie's legs in a hundred pieces as they ripped and shredded themselves. The man looked down at his almost-bare legs in surprise and disappointment. He stepped solemnly out of the pile of fabric and turned back to look at it, closing his eyes.

"Goodbye, my sacred trousers." He opened his eyes again. "You were good to me, until you weren't, but than you for helping me turn on Ol-"

Another quick murmur and the jeans repaired themselves, good as new. The trousers lay on the floor, simply looking hastily discarded, which was the original plan. Charlie looked back up in happiness at Oliver. "You were about to cry. Over  _jeans_ ," he pointed out.

"Th- They were  _good_ jeans, Oli, you wouldn't understa-"

"No, I don't, so can we please continue what we were doing in the bedroom?"

The previous events caught up to Charlie and he nodded slowly, before pouncing on his boyfriend again.

 

Later, when the two were sweaty and tired and contently  _naked_ in their shared bed, Oliver burst out laughing. "I still can't believe you, a) thought you, a wizard, were stuck in a pair of trousers forever, and b) were more concerned about your dragons than me, or even yourself."

"Hey! I hate myself and you're so independent and take such good care of yourself that me trapped in denim would just slow you down. My babies don't have anyone but me."

"And the nine other dragonologists at the reserve, never mind the hundreds of reserves all over the planet."

"W-Well, my babies need  _me_."

"Merlin, if you keep calling fully-grown, terrifying  _dragons_ 'your babies,' then we might just be as bad as Draco and Harry."

"Oh, we're definitely as bad as them," Charlie said, bringing his leg over Oliver's waist and snuggling into his shoulder. His tone was light and childish, but in a second it flipped to stern and serious even if he was just mumbling into Oli's shoulder. "Also, the next time you think about insulting my babies, just remember who's cock was in your arse five minutes ago and who was begging whom for more and clinging to their 'thick' quads."

Oliver shivered. "Point taken," he squeaked, and cleared his throat.

Charlie nuzzled him again and his light tone came back. "I love you."

Oliver rolled his eyes and grinned back. "Love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and kudos if you like it! :D
> 
> (Also, let me know if anyone would like to beta my stuff! I've never had one and am interested in trying it out, and also mayhaps betaing for somebody else as well. :))


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